Excerpts from the weekly student-run school newspaper of the Charles DeKay High School for the Creative and Performing Arts, The Weekly Screed.

Meatloaf Mondays: Threat, or Menace?

For the past 3 weeks, the long-held Charles DeKay tradition of Meatloaf Monday (and its recent vegan offshoot, Meatless Mondays) has brought trepidation and dread instead of smiles and full stomachs. Reports have reached The Weekly Screed from multiple students reporting intestinal distress, disorientation, and even hallucinations after eating the cafeteria’s famed loaf of meat.

Attempts by this reporter to procure samples of the meatloaf for study in the chem lab have been unsuccessful, and the school administration continues to refuse our requests for additional information on the ingredients and preparation of the malignant meatloaf. This story is developing, and our intrepid reporter will not rest until the cause of what the students are referring to as Meatloaf Madness is discovered. Stay safe, students!

(In chimerical ink below this article:

To whichever student has been spiking the meatloaf with Glamour and enchanting the mortal students of the school, the administration would like to remind you that enchanting other students without their knowledge or consent is a violation of the school code, and will be punished accordingly. Let this be the last time this happens.

Also, Janitor Fred has taken it upon himself to watch the kitchen next Monday. We are certain we do not need to remind any of the students about what will happen if you are caught by Janitor Fred.

Nobody wants to think about that.

Principal B.)

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Winter Bash Preparations Continue

The School Council would like to remind all students about the upcoming Winter Bash to be held on December 14 evening right here at the Charles DeKay School Auditorium.

“The theme this year will be Santa’s Workshop!”, said President of the School Activity Club, Jenna Smith. “We’ll have multiple stations where students can put together toys that will be donated to local charities as well!”

“Tickets to the Winter Bash will be $7.”, added Jenna, who then pulled out a camera to indicate she was now speaking in her role as President of the Photography Club and added, “And for an extra $3 we’ll take a glamour picture of you with Santa that you can keep and frame as a memory of what’s going to be an amazing night!”

Putting away her camera, Jenna then pulled out a hammer and said, “And if anyone would like to volunteer to help building the decorations, as President of the Arts and Crafts club I would like to encourage you to find me after class!”

The annual Winter Bash has been a Charles DeKay school tradition for over 2 decades now, and we’re all looking forward to this year’s exciting event.

(In chimerical ink below this article:

Please remember that due to the Yeti Incident at last year’s Winter Bash, no chimerical companions larger than a dog will be allowed on the premises for the evening of the party. Also, all weather-manipulation cantrips are to be used outside of the auditorium.

No one wants a repeat of the time we got 5 feet of snow in the bathrooms.

Mrs. Pearle)

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Harry Bishop Scores Another Big Win

The DeKay Manticores’ 44 – 16 win over Mt. St. Michael Academy last week had a lot to do with the leadership of senior Harry Bishop. Bishop threw for 383 yards and five touchdowns. That performance landed Bishop among the top power-ranked players for the week, and brings our school’s ranking up to 3rd in NYC, just behind Bergen Catholic and St. Joseph’s Regional.

“It’s all about confidence and preparation.”, Harry Bishop said, in a post-game interview. “We’ve got a great team with a clear vision and some amazing athletes, and I am proud to serve as quarterback for the Manticores.”

“GO FIGHTIN’ MANTICORES!”, Harry added, as the whole team roared in approval.

Next week’s game against the Westhampton Beach team starts at 6 PM on Thursday, and tickets can be purchased at the faculty desk, or by contacting the President of the Sports Management club, Ms. Jenna Smith, and for doing some bets on the game going to a casino online could be the best option for this.

(In chimerical ink below the article:

I would also like to extend Harry and his motley our warmest congratulations for placing first in the Wilder Hunt last weekend. Harry singlehandedly dispatched three nocnitsa and his motley captured five chimera that had been released into Central Park for the competition with zero casualties, a credit to their combat training and prowess.

May the Dreaming continue to bless us all,

Ms. Periwinkle)