Everyone loves a good re-imagining of the Disney Princesses. From Star Wars to Game of Thrones to My Little Pony, there’s something for everyone (just keep Safe Search on when Googling, because when I say everyone, I meanÂ everyone. Hello, Rule 34). So now it’s time to meld these archetypes of animated femininity with the archetypes that influence our favorite hobby: the Disney princesses as D&D characters. If these women were all gathered at the same table, what class would they pick up?
Ariel: the Bard
While most of the Disney princesses can sing, and many are even said to have beautiful voices, only one has musical talent as part of her core abilities. Ariel would gravitate towards playing the under-appreciated Bard, and there would be no half-assing her buff-granting songs at the table. There’s be a whole production number complete with backup dancers.
Aurora: the Ranger
AKA Sleeping Beauty, Aurora grew up in the forest as a humble peasant girl. Expect lots of arguing with the GM from her on whether on not you canÂ really track deer through dry underbrush, or whether deer would even be in this climate at this time of year.
Belle: the Wizard
If anyone would appreciate having to memorize a whole separate section of the book just for spells, it would be Belle. And she really would memorize them too, because this is a girl who not only loves to read, but loves to re-read. Plus, youÂ know the Beast’s library has all kinds of supplements with new spells, so Belle is going to be one of the most min-maxed characters at the table.
Elsa: the Warlock
Okay, ignore for a second that Elsa isn’t technically part of the Disney Princess lineup (she’s a queen, thank you very much). Elsa, reveling in her newfound appreciation for her own magic powers, would gravitate to another magical class, but while Belle’s wizard needs to study spells intently, Elsa’s warlock was born with mysterious, arcane powers that she uses to help the adventuring party. In between ruling a kingdom, of course.
Jasmine: the Rogue
Jasmine is a pamperedÂ princess who has always longed to escape the confines of her role as a princess. The Rogue class would appeal to her, as someone who is bound to no one’s authority but her own. She’d also get to re-live her brief foray into thievery, and cross her fingers that she didn’t roll a one this time.
Mulan: the Fighter
One of the few princesses to ever see combat, Mulan would love the opportunity to go into battle without having to hide who she is. She’d bring disturbingly accurate combat tactics to the table, and make some of the more delicate ladies squeamish with her descriptions of disembowelment.
Pocahontas: the Druid
Already able to call upon the spirits of the animals to aid her, Pocahontas picks up the Druid at the table. Her biggest struggle would be narrowing down her animal companion options to just one companion – raccoons can go pretty much everywhere and have thumbs, but hummingbirds canÂ fly. Tough choices.
Snow White: theÂ Paladin
Everyone knows the Cleric is the most insufferable player at the table. Snow White is not only the youngest princess at the table (strike one), but she’s the one who already has an entourage of followers (strike two). She’s also exceedingly good of heart – she’s so pure she doesn’t even have to say anything to convince grown men that it would be a better idea to try to trick an evil sorceress queen than to cut out the girl’s heart. Snow White would want to bring these traits into the game, inspiring people to follow her and her goodness.
Tiana: the Cleric
Practical Tiana would want a versatile character, one who isn’t boxed into solving problems with just magic, just her words, or just fighting. The Cleric lets her do a little bit of everything, not unlike her day job as proprietor of her own restaurant. She’d also be the designated snack-bringer every week, earning her a few extra XP that she would hoard until it was time to level up EVERYTHING.
And that’s it!
Oh, am I forgetting someone?
Cinderella: the Barbarian
You may not see it in the film, but think about it: Cinderella hasÂ got to have some anger issues. Abused, belittled, and coerced into following the whims of her stepmother and stepsisters, Cinderella is finally out from that terrible house and living the high life as a princess. Of course, princesses can’t be angry, either. Playing the Barbarian, especially when tapping into the infamous Barbarian rage, gives Cinderella a constructive outlet for her feelings.
And who do we trust to lead this band of women on their adventures?
Rapunzel: the Dungeon Master
It’s tough to know who is better read at the table, Rapunzel or Belle, but Rapunzel takes the DM’s chair for a few reasons. One, imprisoned by your fake-mom in a tower is kind of like living in Mom’s basement. Two, she’s read the DM’s guide at least once a day, every day, for 18 years. Three, she totally kills at painting miniatures and when everyone showed up the first day she already had their minis fully customized and ready to go. And she makes everyone roll their dice in her frying pan so she doesn’t end up stepping on d4s while barefoot.
Every discussion of D&D classes and/or Disney characters deserves some good debate, so have at it in the comments below! Bonus points to anyone with actual artistic skill who wants to try their hand at character portraits…
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