An Exciting Offer to YOU, the GM!

To Whom It May Concern,

I hope this letter find you well. While others around the table may waste your time with trivialities, I promise you this is not the case and I will dispatch with unnecessary overtures of praise.  You, no doubt, have been carefully considering what next to do at the gaming table that has yet to be done (which is a mark of your quality as a Game Master) as well as show a dedication to the material that is unmatched by your peers. With this in mind, I have an exciting proposition for you that will allow all of these things to occur and with little extra work on your part! It is an aspect of the tabletop experience that other games are sadly missing, and I am positive you will be bold enough to accept this one change in your game that other Game Masters have lacked the vision to achieve.

When I play in your game, allow me to summon a laser dragon.

You see, many games that I have played in allow only the most pedestrian of abilities, the least inspired of these being the act of summoning creatures to aid in battle or to “spice up” a lackluster scene. While a raven may hilariously cry “caution!” at inopportune moments, the result is always fleeting and, inevitably, forgetful. Combat, ever the focus of many adventuring parties, is likewise relegated to mundane wolves (be they Dire or no) elementals and the occasional Shadow Beast. These creatures, useful as they may be, offer little in the way of the fantastic, and no imp or gollum will ever leave an impression on a seasoned player.

Not so with the laser dragon.

Imagine the look on the other player’s faces when your voice booms from behind your rampart of the GM screen to announce that a mythical creature (that exists in no Monster Manual, I assure you!) has entered the fray on the party’s behalf. Consider the grandeur and majesty of this event as you describe how the sky is illuminated with lasers (friggin’ lasers) and how the enemies are likewise vanquished with this frightening light show, with nothing but shadows of ash on the ground to mark their passing. It would be, to use a technical term, absolutely bitchin’.

Then imagine the endless possible narrative arcs that this creature’s arrival would offer when the other characters realize that it wasn’t the wizard or the ranger who summoned this beast of untold power, but my 1st level monk! (I assume in your wisdom you’ll find it fit to give my character this ability immediately, since my Fighter “Skullgar Mightbeard” died last game because of a bullshit jumping roll but it’s, like, whatever.)

And this creature is by no means contained to only D&D! My Laser Dragon is also suited for:

Vampire the Masquerade

Warhammer AND Warhammer 40k (though the latter may require the beast to have some cybernetic augmentations to fit within the narrative, naturally)

Star Wars (I will concede that the name may have to change to Light Saber Dragon, but I assure you it’s canon.)


Final Girl


And many more!

So I hope you will be part of this revolution in gaming mechanics and storytelling. If so (and I can’t imagine why you wouldn’t) let me know and I will send you the stats for the Laser Dragon that I have painstakingly made myself as to lessen the mechanical burden, so you may focus on your wonderful story.



Please leave your response below.

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About the Author
David is a human, standing at average human size with human features. He is not an android, that would be ridiculous. He is fond of horror movies, so-bad-it’s-good movies, stand-up comedy and humor sometimes inappropriate for a given setting but within the accepted parameters of average human interaction. David reads H.P. Lovecraft with human eyes, speaks about Cyberpunk with his human mouth (using vocal chords, not embedded speakers) listens to podcasts with his human ears and typed this from an undisclosed location with his human hands. He was created in New England.

2 comments on “An Exciting Offer to YOU, the GM!

  1. Fairystail says:

    Not sure abiut everyone else but im sold though only if the lazer dragon is the size of a small moon. If not then i dont want your pitiful creature in the game

  2. Gareth says:

    David, thanks a lot for the article post.Much thanks again. Fantastic.

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